As a loner, I’m often confused. Confused when I’m in the moment, especially if the moment is quiet and inhibited. As a wife and mom, there aren’t many times when I get to enjoy a moment of silence or rather a day of nothingness. With two active extroverted kids along with their matching father, it’s a rarity of having nothing to do. So when those days do happen, I don’t know what to do with myself.

There is nothing like a Saturday morning with no alarm being set. Rolling out of bed when my body feels like getting up is heavenly. Lounging around all day is ah-mazing! No plans for an entire day. Since I rarely have them, it’s sort of a surprise when my husband inquires about what I have to do.

Not a damn thing. And what is there to do anyhow? We are still in the middle of this pandemic. But that’s not my excuse. Pandemic or not, there isn’t anything I just have a desire to do. I don’t plan or attend events or outings often unless somehow I feel obligated to. I don’t call up friends to hang out. Rarely call to just chat. I have no plans on visiting anyone. Literally no place to go and guess what..I’m so cool with that.

Believe it or not, I’m a loner at heart. Most of my friends would never believe this because when they see me; I’m outgoing, I’m talkative, I don’t just giggle, I burst out laughing, etc. My husband and I are often entertaining at our home and I’m the brains behind the event with games planned. You’ll never come to our home and not play a game of some sort. And I absolutely love it.

Many know us for hosting marriage events like our yearly marriage retreat that was just getting off the ground when this crazy unthinkable year got here that put us, along with everyone, on pause with party and event planning. I’m a speaker! Don’t hand me the microphone and expect anything else but someone comfortable, serious or super entertaining. I’ve taught school at the collegiate level for a few years and thoroughly enjoyed it. Actually teaching college is my retirement plan. Blogging is another version of getting my thoughts out. To sum me up, I love an audience and love to talk.

Can’t you see how confusing this is? I’m confusing to myself. How do you go from speaking to people, entertaining friends, hosting events, teaching, etc and then turn into a mute??? How does that happen? But not only is it confusing to me, I’m often stressed about it. As it’s hard to say no to invitations because my first reaction is to decline. However, I live with people who love to be on the go. Therefore I can’t be selfish. I can’t stay in the house doing nothing when others are wanting to get out or be active.

I’m often stressed because I really want to be a hermit and hide under a rock in peace and quietness. But I can’t. So I go with the flow, I show up and I show out. I do enjoy myself. Really I do. And I’m often so glad I made the decision to participate.

But then comes around a day of nothing, so I take advantage of it. However, sometimes without warning, my thoughts get the best of me. In my head, I should be doing something. I feel left out all of a sudden. Feelings of loneliness enters. How!!! This is what I’ve been wanting; a day off. Now that I have one, why would I start regretting it? Makes absolutely no sense to me.

Therefore I have to get out of my own head and have a talk with myself. I have to remind myself that I don’t get these days often and it is certainly okay if I take a day or two to myself. I don’t have to do anything. It’s okay to sit around idly without trying to find something to do. I don’t have to find something to clean. No, this is not the time to work on any stalled projects around the house.

Such days are mine. And if you are like me, such days are yours. Yours to enjoy! Don’t second guess it nor attempt to fill your time. Enjoy each minute that goes by. Use this time to do whatever it is that brings you pleasure even if that is a simple nap or laying around in bed all day. Don’t feel bad about it and don’t let anyone question your moment of peace.

Thanks for your attention. You are your own competition.

Competition of 1.