It is amazing to see what lengths we humans will go to feel loved. It never surprises me the things we will do, the places we will go, and the people we will allow in our lives when it comes to love.

How far have you gone…to be loved? Think about it for a second. What embarrassing things have you done for the sake of love? Or what you thought was love?

I know I’ve done some stupid stuff in my past. All of my readers and friends know I don’t mind sharing stuff. So NO disrespect to my husband. I just want to take a moment to share some of my own faults and thoughts and low moments. I don’t want to be accused of pulling an Ayesha Curry.

https://www.shondaland.com/author/222538/britni-danielle/ Check out the article. It gives a good lay down of the reactions to Ayesha’s comments and the authors thoughts of her vulnerability.

Here is my two cents as it relates to my topic. We all at some point have done things out of the need to feel loved, the need to feel wanted, desired, valued, and cared for. Every last one of us are guilty of feeling like Ayesha to some degree.

If this doesn’t apply to you and you can’t come up with any situation where you have done something demeaning out of those basic needs, then I’m not talking to you. I’m very well talking to the rest of us.

I can remember calling a guy back after he’d hung the phone up on me and repeatedly calling back to back when I knew he wouldn’t answer. I know stupid little stuff. I’ve driven over to a guy’s house when I knew the door wouldn’t be answered for me. And I’ve worn clothes to get a guys attention. I’m guilty of wanting and desiring attention in the wrong places.

I’m sure I’ve done a lot more stupid degrading things that I can’t recall up at this moment as it’s been years with my husband and with my husband it was a game changer. As I changed the game!

I know I’m on someone’s porch today.

Before I started dating my husband, I was with a guy that did what so many guys are doing today. I had a “we don’t need titles” guy. Yes, I sure did. I fell for that line. Fell hard for it to. So I found myself bending all the rules to have this guy. To have ‘A’ guy period. That is the point I was at in my life.

I was successful in my career, independent, and doing me and having fun. But I didn’t have a man and for some reason I was listening to the hype:

🗣Career women aren’t desired!

🗣Men want to be the breadwinner!

🗣You are too independent!

In the back of my mind, I was too career driven for a good man to want me so when ‘A’ man showed me attention, I had to keep his attention. He didn’t want a relationship, well fine, he was still worth staying around without the titles. I can change him I thought. Silly girl….

It wasn’t until after him that I took the time to get my head back on straight. I was on the path of finding my purpose. I began searching for and praying for God to reveal to me what He would have for me to do. During that quest, I must have stumbled upon finding ME again.

I found my voice again. Found my courage again. Found the person who believed other things than what was chattering in the atmosphere. I relocated the love I had for Nakia. The worth confidence reappear. You see, I had a lot of professional/job/career confidence. But I was lacking in my worth/love/valued/personal confidence at the time. There is a such thing.

We all know success people on the job that lack that same success off the job. Know this…it doesn’t last always. This type of lowness can happen for a season and be gone the next season. I wasn’t always like that. To be quite honest, I’ve never had an issue with getting and keeping a boyfriend in my ‘younger’ years so I don’t know how I could’ve gotten so confused once I got ‘grown.’

But anyhoo…my point is this. Before you can find true love, be loved, admired, cared for, desired, and whatever else you need from another person; you first have to be the recipient of those things from yourself. It’s so simple (not really). But you have to love yourself first. Admire yourself first…care about you first before someone else will.

Listen! When I met my husband, and you can ask him, one of my main rules was that we would NOT have sex outside of a true relationship. And I meant it. There was no 3 month rule. He was going to have to be my boyfriend before getting the cookie.

And I had so many other rules I made myself abide by. For instance, if he were to hang the phone up on me and I know I wasn’t in the wrong, I better not call him back! If I had plans with my girls and all of a sudden he wanted to make plans with me; I made certain to keep my plans with my girls. When he went out with his boys, I dared not call. I still don’t bother him if he is out and about. I don’t want him being over possessive with me and I don’t do it to him.

I have my own life! I’m still a person. I just so happen to be married. I’m a mother. But I’m still Nakia. And I know the importance of loving me first. I have to take care of me. Yes, my husband is the best but I can’t expect him to do everything for me. I have to do it first and then when he does it, it’s just extra. His love is my bonus love (Lisa Nichols calls it bonus).

YES! You are worthy of love and so much more. But you have to be the giver and recipient first. Anything after that is just extra. It’s a bonus.

Thanks for your attention. Remember you are your own competition.

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