Respect him! Hear me and hear me good woman of God! Respect him! Period. I don’t want to hear nothing about “well he has to earn it. He has to be a man to get the respect of a man.” Wayment. What exactly did you marry??? Like let’s take this thing back a few steps. Did you not marry a man? Like go back to the nuptials. You were happy as you could be. You were elated. It was your day girl! So between then and now, what happened?

I’ll wait! Think about it. What happened? Speak it out loud. Along the way, who did you meet that you compared your man to that gave you the impression that he wasn’t man enough for you anymore? Huh? Us women, we are good for this. See any ole man doing any ole thing and then get to looking to the side like “mines don’t do that.” What was it? What did they do that yours doesn’t do? Who was it that you compared yours too? And WHY! That’s the absolute worse mistake we can make. Yes, men make this same mistake but woman, you hold the power to set the stage for your marriage. So for now, I’m trying to correct the thing I’m closest too.

As I mentioned in Part I, for him to marry you, like decide in his head that you are the one, his heart is set on making you smile. When he did those things that made you smile, it did something to his pride. But now the bar has been raised and he doesn’t know how to please you anymore. All because you raised the bar, what you used to like doesn’t impress you anymore because you started comparing him to the guy pal at work, your best friend’s man, the new CEO in your building that is close to your age, the pastor, the man in the uniform you see everyday, etc.

You decided to raise the bar and didn’t tell him about the bar being raised, just decided that you wanted more. So now it’s harder for him to get a smile out of you. You give him the stank face look now when he does that goofy dance that used to send you toppling over in laughter. He is no longer enough for you because you got some macho man envisioned in your head. I’m here to tell you…GIRL BYE. You need to go back to the alter and start remembering who you are and who you married. And get back to respecting that man for who he is and what he brings to the table along with remembering how he was enough for you back then so he is surely enough now. Fix your face and lower your voice madam, he is not one of your kids. He is that same man of dreams. You the one who changed your perspective on what your man should be like before even giving the marriage a chance to work.

It’s only been a few years, why are you expecting so much from him? He isn’t climbing the ladder at work fast enough. According to whose standards ma’am? You suppose to be driving a better car and have a bigger house? Really? Well what are you doing about it then? Amazing you can watch one man rise to the top and see how your friend is being spoiled and all of a sudden your man ain’t shit! Girl you something else with yo-self.

But here is something you may not have thought about. What if your friend is a great cheerleader at home. What if through her motivation towards him and talks of affirmations and the love that she shows him, what if that is what is driving her man.

You see you have the power to drive that man to the pits of hell on earth and you have the power to drive that man to the moon and back! He can achieve the highest levels in his professional and personal life with proper encouragement from you. Want to see him jump leaps and bounds, encourage him! Want to see him succeed at making his dreams come true? Tell him how much you believe in his goals. Tell him about the things he is so great at. Just how great he is at those things and how no one can quite do the things that he does, like he does and the way he does them. Honey you have enough sweet talk into you to fly that man around the world and back!

Ever wonder how soldiers are able to leave the comfort of their homes and go fight wars and return home in peace? Often times what is driving him so is the love and admiration he knows is waiting on him back home. He will go to bed thinking about making you proud. He will fight like never before when he knows he can’t leave you behind as a widow. The thought of imagining tears on your face is too much for him. He will wake up in his fox hole and go back to perfecting his skills with his focus on returning home…all because of you.

I’m telling y’all, the enemy wants us bitter about our men. He wants us to be at odds with them. He knows just how powerful of a couple you two can become. So what does he do? He throws in your face the things you desire by putting them just out of your reach with a friend or a neighbor. You were good with being his ride or die chick but his money isn’t stacking fast enough, so you think as you watch others have what you want. Instead of being patient and encouraging him, jealousy seeps in and takes control from there. Then comes the disrespect. Raising of your voice. It started in private but now you try him in public. He doesn’t like confrontation so you decide he is weak and so you continue. The stank face becomes your normal when talking with him. It can be as simple as “what are we having for dinner dear?” And you say “what do you mean what are we having for dinner? I’m not cooking!” He says “well that’s why I was calling. To see if you’d like me to stop on the way home.” Some relationships have turned into a series of business transactions but He can’t even conduct a business transaction with you without having confrontations sistah.

Is this post about you? Maybe not but it’s about you. We have to be careful how we treat our kings. He can’t be the king if you are treating him like he isn’t worthy of the position. You can’t let anybody or anything distort your view of the man you confessed your life to. It’s not fair ladies. Just turn the tables and you will see that we wouldn’t want him comparing us or expecting us to be the next chick. So we can’t raise the bar on him without being the best cheerleader we can be on his sideline.

Disclaimer: this isn’t everyone’s situation but I’ve seen it plenty to know it belongs to many.

Thank you for you attention. Remember you are your own competition.

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