No matter what is said and done, I just can’t pull myself to having THAT talk with my son. No matter the number of protests, news coverage, and hashtags of the constant reminders of our “perceived” value in this country; I just can’t do it.

Truth is.

I’m scared. I’m scared of how things may change in his mind. In the mind of a child. How will he take this talk? Will it change how he begins to see things? Will it change how he sees his friends? Will it change his admiration for cops?

When my son, Trey, was 4 years old, when asked what he wanted to be when he grew up…his response was “fight fighter, police, and a jet,” in that order…collectively. All three, always together and never apart. When asked what each did, he proudly said that the fire fighter put out the fires and police officers got the bad guys.” That made my heart smile.

You see…I don’t want his mind to change from his innocent thoughts towards adults, cops, teachers, his coaches, or even his friends. Am I foolish enough to think that he’ll never face anything pertaining to race as a young man? Of course not. Nor do I want him ignorant to things going on around him.

My son is just 9 years. There is plenty of time to talk about it. With the MURDER of George Floyd and the protests that have ensued along with the numerous consistent news broadcast; this is a time that many are using to explain the mistreatments towards blacks, in particular the unfortunate death of many unarmed blacks by the police. However, when I imagine this talk with my own son, I imagine him mis-categorizing future events as a result.

My son is a very literal person. He doesn’t analyze the whole situation to form a better understanding. If he is in trouble and we tell him he can’t have his tablet (for the rest of the evening for instance), he automatically feels that he can’t have his tablet ever again. He doesn’t think past the present situation nor combine those thoughts with past experiences to come to the realization that a punishment is temporary in nature.

My son plays travel baseball. And if you are familiar with travel baseball (prior to Covid-19), he’d play games ALL day long. Well there were times when I’d miss pool play (beginning games), yet I would travel to attend the games in the evening. I can recall missing the first 2 games one day. On the way home, my son asked me “mommy why don’t you come to my games?” Wait what.

Since I know my son, I knew I had to break it all the way down to him to make it plain so he would understand. I asked him how many games he has per tournament. Then how many tournaments he played. So we added them all up. He loves math so I had to go there. So out of 30 games, mommy only missed 4. So how did that equate to me not attending his games because THAT day, I missed 2? My point is that Trey doesn’t always think things all the way through. And I’m sure he isn’t the first and only kid. He is analyzing things from a kids perspective. That’s all.

Let’s say we have THAT talk. What if….

1. A white umpire calls Trey out, and the very next play looks exactly the same yet that boy (white) is called safe. Will my son properly assess it as possibly a bad call just because umpires occasionally make bad calls? Or will he think the ump doesn’t like him because he is black?
2. He gets into a confrontation with a white kid in school. Trey gets sent to the principal office while the other kid returns to class. Will he realize what he’d done wrong or will immediately start to wonder if his color caused him to be unbelievable to his teacher when he tried to explain his innocence?
3. When he gets a little older and desires to try out for part in a play, or apply for a job, etc…if he sees his counterparts going for the same positions, will he have confidence in himself that the judges or hirers will be fair?

These were things I battled with as a child. I constantly had talks with myself as I grew up. I would tell myself that if THEY can do something (referring to my white counterparts), then I can do it!!! I reminded myself that my application will make it because of my credentials despite of my “Black sounding” name.

I know I can’t save my son from everything. I can’t put a bubble around him and prevent the world from exposing him to its wickedness. Nor can I shield the hurt that will come his way. This talk is hard. It is needed and so very relevant. But now…is not the time.

Thanks for your attention. Remember you are your own competition.

Competition of 1