After April 27, 2011; I experienced what is known as ‘anxiety’ for the first time. Each and every time we had a threat of bad weather, I would become anxious. Honestly, I don’t know how to properly articulate it because its not something I’ve ever talked about openly. Maybe this is everyone’s secret.

Well back then, each time storms were forecasted; I immediately started to panic (I believe that is the correct word). Our local famous meteorologist is, Brad Travis. I was a Brad follower for sure. I would go to his page and engross myself with his news feed pretty much the whole time we were under the threat. I couldn’t sleep at night. My heart would pound at the thought of the weather and even at the sounds of rain. I was a mess until…

A co-worker mentioned that due to the storms taking out a tree that fell on their home, she was under medication. That alarmed me. I’ve always said to myself, every since I was young, that I better stay well because if I have to be medicated daily with pills; especially those horse-sized pills, I was doomed because I wasn’t going to take them. So, I knew I had to get my anxiety under control because I didn’t want to have to take medicine for it.

Well, I can say that yesterday (Friday the 13th of all days) was back to feeling that same way…heart pounding yet silently in my chest in panic pretty much the entire day. I didn’t eat all day. I spent the entire day at work filling out paperwork on my staff preparing for a shut down of the government. For those that don’t know me, I’m a federal government manager. My goal was to identify mission essential employees, identify employees with laptops, identify who would work, who would stay, etc. I was busy opening and closing documents and signing and emailing files.

But then, when I’d take a break to check the news or to check FaceBook, that’s when it would happen. I would feel and hear my heartbeat. I’d think far beyond the TISSUE that everyone is buying. Still asking myself, “why in the hell are people buying tissue???” Remembering how I had my husband go find some for us. Well, we only had 3 rolls left, so we sort of needed some. My advice to him was to just get what we need for the week. I refuse to hoard tissue. Truth be told, one can survive without it. Soap and water will always do the trick.

Well, my mind has a tendency to go a little deep and that’s exactly what I did when given the opportunity to do so. I began to think about the long lines at the grocery stores and the empty shelves. People are buying up everything!!! Well what about the families that aren’t able to buy in bulk or able to buy at all? What about those that make minimum wage and have to wait for their next check? Will there be options for them? And if we ALL stop working, how will money be made? Will fast food places remain open for those without groceries? Surely we all can buy up $5 Lil Caesar pizzas and go for days. But if restaurants close, then what?

Sure we stop all large gatherings like basketball games, concerts, conferences, etc. Then the schools close. How long can this last? How long will this last? With the tornadoes of 2011, many were without power and many businesses (not all) closed for 1 or 2 days. But for 2 weeks, I’ve never experienced such a shut down in our society. As a result, anxiety builds for me. OH and let me tell you what my dumb ass did! So I thought I was being smart. Thursday night I told myself, “Self.” Self said, “huh?” “Why don’t you schedule your regular grocery pickup for when you get off on Friday? Instead of waiting until Saturday…get your stuff early and beat the crowds.”

Well, while sitting at work, I’m wondering why I didn’t get my regular text from Kroger to remind me of the pick up time? Something told me to check my email. Come to find out…

Wait What!!! AARRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!

Now I’m on 10!!! I can’t think. I don’t want to open up another document. I don’t want to read. I just want to sit here. Nope, I don’t even want to do that. I want to go home and stare. Crying isn’t an option or desire. I just want to go sit in a corner and wait for the inevitable to happen. Well no, I don’t. I just want this bullshit to stop! I want us all to calm down. I know there is a possibility that we could get sick, but what are the chances of getting sick. And if we do get sick, aren’t we better off (U.S. Health system) to handle it?

Y’all I have no answers, just a bunch of questions. But at the end of the day, all I know is, if we don’t calm down and make good decisions, we will cause a chaotic system that none of us are ready for. We need our leaders to stop playing games and be truthful. This is NOT the time for political agendas.

It’s my prayer that all of this will be over with in the coming days. We won’t be scared of ‘Rona’ nor will it run rampant through this great land. We will survive. During these breaks, we will love on our families and enjoy one another. Everyone will have what they need is my prayer. No one will go without. No one will be hungry.

Thanks for your attention. Heck, thanks for MY attention. Remember you are your own competition.

Competition of 1.