Woman! The way you want to be loved is NOT the same way he desires love from you. You love it when your man leaves you notes in your purse, your shoe box, on the bathroom mirror, etc. You get so excited, smile cracks your jaws, and you hug him tightly if he is there, maybe even break him off a lil sumthin something. And if he isn’t there, you are making plans to make his day later. However, when you do that for him, you may get a weak “thanks” from him but that’s it. And now your feelings are hurt because he didn’t react the way you expected he would. Well it’s simple. He could care less about a note. It was sweet and all but it didn’t make his heart flutter or even make his peter jump.

Ever heard of the book, “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman? Get it and read it. What it teaches is simple…not everyone likes the same expressions of love. And the crazy thing is, we never think of this. We know people are different and like different things yet we miss this crucial point in our relationships. It’s like we know it yet still sometimes express incorrectly. We mean well but it can cause confusion at times if we get upset when our efforts aren’t acknowledged.

For instance, I am an acts of service type girl. I don’t have to hear the words “I love you” daily or often but I feel loved when my husband does things for me especially without me asking. When the kids were younger and sleep was a luxury, on the weekends, it meant so much to me when he would close our bedroom door and tell the kids to not bother me while I slept in. And he knows I love McDonalds coffee. So if he gets breakfast for the kids there (normally I don’t want their breakfast), he would bring back coffee with the correct sugar and cream portions. This may not mean nothing to you but it means the world to me and I appreciated it.

But for him, words of affirmation sticks his chest out. And physical touch is close behind. You see I can’t bring him his favorite drink and expect for him to know or feel that I love him. And then the day he expresses (if he ever expresses because he is a man) that he doesn’t feel loved, I can’t scream about the lemonades I always brought him as my attempt to express love to him. Yes I meant well however I expressed MY language upon him; however it wasn’t what he needed.

So now that you know this and maybe you’ve known this but still selfishly felt YOUR way was the better love expression. And if this is you, the person that thinks your way is always the best way and you will want to do what you want to do…in an attempt to show him how it should be done next time for you…you my friend are the weakest link. GOODBYE! If everything you do for your man is your way of showing him up in hopes that he matches you on your go around, you are petty as hell. And you need to grow up. Trust if I’m talking about this, I’ve seen this go on. I can’t make this up!

So here is my encouragement for you ladies. Find out what he needs. Recall he isn’t the most verbal one. Usually if he is doing something wrong, we tell them. But men normally don’t reciprocate. Most men will never say “honey I love it when you always know the words to say to keep me encouraged,” or “babe thanks for always cooking my favorite meal when you know I’ve had a bad day in the office,” or “you know, seems like you never hesitate to make the first move. I really like that because I’m always not sure if it’s a good time for sex especially after you come in from long shifts at work.” Whose man says those things? Raise your hand so I can count y’all up!

Most men don’t say what it is that they need from us. So instead of reading books and regulations on how to build strong relationships at work; spend just a little time learning about good tactics you can employ in your home life because it’s more important. Yet we don’t read marriage literature and so often we fail because we don’t recognize the flaws we carry. Often assuming we got it right and our spouses got it wrong. No ma’am. I’m here to tell you, you can NOT assume you know the behavior of a man. You are not a man. You are a woman dear heart and what we do and take delight in can sometimes be far different from his reality. Take some time to get to learn how to please him. And that is what all of this is about. You please him, he pleases you, you please him and he pleases you. In case you thought the man should be first…he pleases you, you please him, he pleases you and you please him. Can you imagine just how awesome marriages could be if we all lived to fulfill that circle of pleasing one another. My my my…

Thank you for your attention. Remember you are your own competition.

Competitionof1