Wondering why lil Timmy has failed you? Well maybe because you have failed lil Timmy. Get this. Kids may strive to do as you say. However the power is in what they see you do. That is an immutable fact.

Preach. Yell. Punish. Time-outs. Name calling. No activities. Tell their fathers. All of that works temporarily but gravity has a way of luring them back to fulfilling the role in which you play, Mom. And they love mimicking you, Dad.

Ever wonder how someone started off as a good kid yet is now an abusive alcoholic? Ever think about all the talks you’ve had with your spouse about their inconsiderate behavior, yet they still want to be the king of their castle because men don’t do women’s work like wash dishes, cook, or change diapers? Did it really surprise you to watch a loved one continue to self-sabotage their life doing stupid stuff? You’ll never forget all the times your BFF cried and ran after her boyfriends when they’d try to break-up because she was too possessive and jealous.

Ever wonder where those behaviors come from? Well they learned them of course. Traditionally, we blame television or the company they keep. Now-a-days we blame the internet. I’m willing to beat you’d never blame a parent because parents aren’t perfect, they just do the best they can.

Good excuse but WRONG. Bad cycles stay in rotation just like good ones. Disclaimer: nope, we can’t criminalize any parents for the things their kids do. This isn’t the purpose of this blog so please step back down off the judgment throne. This is just a nice reminder to all moms and dads that we are the best and primary teachers to our kids.

What we teach is often subconscious. We don’t realize the kids are watching our every move and listening to our conversation. Don’t believe me. Try me. Talk on the phone, hang up and ask your kids what they heard. Many kids can give you play by play.

So guest what. When you openly disrespect the president (I.e. Trump and Obama), they learn to disrespect leadership. When you gossip about the Pastor, they learn that religion is a hypocrisy. When you down talk the teachers, why should they listen to them in class?

What you tell the kids grandmother? The kids’ dad ain’t shit? Lesson: So who needs a father? I don’t need mines so my kids don’t need me.

You vent: Black folks always stealing and killing. They need to go back to where they came from! Lesson: be afraid of blacks. Lock your doors and grab your purses when blacks are around. We don’t need them here anyway.

You ramble on: The white man is always setting up systems to trap us. White folks are racists. They talk to you but behind your back they talk about you. Lesson: Don’t trust white folks. Period. All of them are racists.

Screaming that cops are crooked! Lesson: RUN.

Without our knowledge, we teach ignorance, racism, bigotry, disrespect, abuse, selfishness, and hatred. We teach them to turn to alcohol and drugs when times are hard and stressful. We teach them how to react negatively when they don’t get their way. We teach them jealously toward their peers. We teach them how to cheat the system.

Long before they enter the school system, we teach our family system. And that internal system is stronger than we know. Be care of the venom we spread.

Be careful.

Our kids learn from us. Want them to be better kids, be a better parent.

Thanks for your attention. Remember you are your own competition.

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