Transparency is important. It’s easy to say I’m going to work my gift and motivate everyone to find and work their purpose in life. But I’d be doing a disservice if I don’t tell the whole truth. Sometimes His Will for our lives hurts.

All last year (2016), I thought about how great it would be to get back into public speaking. I’ve always loved it. Through reflecting over what it is that He has for me to do…my purpose in life, it was revealed over 10 years ago. I marched out on it back then and loved every minute of it. After going back to school, getting married, having babies; I got away from it only speaking it occasionally. Prior to my last event about a month ago, it had been about 4 years since my last event.

Now that I have pushed myself back out there this summer, life has been one amazing journey. So many ideas have come to mind and so many of them I’ve incorporated and many in progress. My Mondays are welcomed! Can you believe that? I’m no longer crunk about a Friday. Fridays represent the end of the week but to me that means I can’t get contacts on the phone to handle more things. It means while others maybe have slowed down for the week, this is the day I get caught up on things and produce even more.

Well even though it’s been incredibly fun, it’s been some hurtful days I haven’t revealed. Days that things unfold around me unexpectedly. Hate from strangers increased, arguments with those you are familiar with on the rise…like wayment, where did all this tension come from? Did I offend you sir/ma’am? If I did, tell me, ask me why, try to get me told off (try), confront me instead of hate me and talk about me behind my back. Bring that ish to my face! Give me a chance to explain MY side.

The worse thing you can assume is the reasons behind someone else’s actions! We all do it! We can’t help ourselves but here is the issue about doing this. More times than not, you are WRONG! Period. We get this wrong so many times. But here is the catch, we can fix it by being the grown ass person you say you are by going to your offender and asking them about their actions or telling them that they hurt you or pissed you off. This gives them the chance to explain their side of the story.

Prior to me coming up with the title of this blog page, my first title was “sides of a story.” But I knew that wasn’t the main platform I was after. That domain is still reserved for me but I decided to discuss it all within this one. This is a serious topic as it’s a strong source of our failed relationships/friendships. Do you know how many families are torn apart based off of these unwarranted

or proved assumptions? This exists in your family as well as my own. I’m speaking of all family members not just immediate ones. Even with me. Not all of my family fools with me. So don’t think your situation or experience is the only one.

So often times when I get hurt or disappointed and my eyes leak. Too often I’m approached as if it appears I have it all. You all really don’t know me. More times than not, I’m alone on this journey. And it hurts. Too often I don’t feel comfortable sharing my inner feelings along the way. Things people say or assume about me, do bother me. We are not kids chanting “words can never hurt you.” LIE! Words they do hurt. So when people think the worse about me, I want to correct it all because overall I think I’m a good person. Like we say “I don’t bother nobody.” I go to work and I work. If I’m not in a meeting, I’m in my office. I eat lunch in my office. I stay to myself mostly. Believe it or not, I’m an introvert.

Yes I have friends but internalize more and more as the days go on. This blog is my outlet for some of these thoughts. Over time, I may share more. But for now, just know that no journey is easy. Anyone on one can confess to this. It gets hard and often times I have no one to express the feelings to that I think will understand it. Yes I’m married but what do you men do when us women come talking? So no, being married doesn’t solve this for me. Sometimes he may be the issue especially if I don’t think he will understand or he provides the wrong response.

I’m not one that needs a lot of attention and praise. Yes it feels good but I don’t require it to keep going. If only 1 person reads my blogs, that’s enough for me to keep writing. But occasionally a thumbs up from those that are closest to me means more than hundreds of “likes.” Funny how the closest are the ones who sort of ignore your journey. And it’s not uncommon. Most people don’t support the things they don’t understand. As kids anything is possible, right. Well once we become adults, dreams are considered just that…a dream not something realizable so we don’t often cheer on the sidelines until the value becomes visible.

So if this is you too, let me encourage you as I encourage myself. Sometimes even now, I get close to saying f&@$ this! Don’t do nothing else. The enemy is trying to destroy my walk, let him HAVE it! It’s not worth the stress and tears. They don’t want you to succeed anyway! They want you stuck in that same rut with them. All of that are thoughts I’ve had in just a short amount of time. And it hasn’t even been 6 months!

But then I pray about my attitude. Ask for a little more courage to keep going. Courage to fight the hate. Just keep going! Hell if everyone gave up so easily nothing would be accomplished. No way skyscrapers are built, books having over a million copies being sold, millionaires continuing to make millions…none of this is possible if everyone gave up at the first or second sight of adversity. And guess what, neither will I and nor should you. Fighting enemies didn’t start with us so we have plenty examples to look upon.

In biblical times, the Israelites had a rough time throughout but remember they were God’s people despite what was going on. Jews that were exiled returned to Jerusalem but the walls of the city were down and that exposed them to attacks from their enemies. Here are a few versus:

Nehemiah 4:11-15

11 Also our enemies said, “Before they know it or see us, we will be right there among them and will kill them and put an end to the work.”

12 Then the Jews who lived near them came and told us ten times over, “Wherever you turn, they will attack us.”

13 Therefore I stationed some of the people behind the lowest points of the wall at the exposed places, posting them by families, with their swords, spears and bows.

14 After I looked things over, I stood up and said to the nobles, the officials and the rest of the people, “Don’t be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your families, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes.”

15 When our enemies heard that we were aware of their plot and that God had frustrated it, we all returned to the wall, each to our own work.

Moral of this blog: Now that we are aware of the enemy’s plot and you know God has your back, RETURN TO YOUR WORK!

I may not be building a wall, but I’m building something. Got this off my chest…returning now to my work.

Thank you for your attention. Remember you are your own competition.

Competitionof1