Have you ever just stopped for a moment and thought to yourself, “I love him so much” or “I love her so much”?
I can’t explain it but every so often, I get this rush of emotions of love, appreciation, gratefulness, admiration, and satisfaction at the thought of who my husband is or what my husband means to me. The ironic thing is usually this happens and he isn’t in my presence and I just can’t wait to get around him.
I usually just send him a text message out of the blue when this happens that says, “I love you,” or “I love you so much,” or “I’m so glad to be your wife.” And usually his initial response back is, “who is this and what have you done with my wife?!” LOL but he backspaces that out and just simple replies, “I love you too.”
I don’t know why this always happens when he isn’t around me. Because at that moment I just want to hug him tight, lay on his shoulder, or lay in the bed and ‘spoon’ with him. Hahahahaaaa don’t act like you don’t know what spooning is. Here is a visual for you. And no that’s not us. (Got pic from wikiHow in case anyone needed a tutorial.)
So I’ll have to confess. Every. Time. Not one time but every time I have this flood of emotions, I can’t wait to get home from work or I can’t wait for him to come home so I can do those things. But once he is in my presence something petty happens. Something silly and uncalled for happens. Something is said. Or just something happens that just messes up my mood.
I can come home and he can be fussing with my son. Mood immediately disappears. I can walk in the door and then see ALL the things that’s wrong in a room: sink piled with dishes, his shoes everywhere, the kids waiting on me to eat, or hell garbage overflowing. I know what someone is thinking…what makes that wrong? Someone is thinking, “A house with two little kids, so what can you expect?” I know but shut up. LOL
We all do this to some extent. We all have been raised with some kind of standard of how things are suppose to be in your home or in your marriage. Whatever those things are, they subconsciously exist and lift its ugly head to remind you of what mama said, 🗣KEKE (my nickname)! Wash those dishes before you go to bed. Or 🗣KEKE! There bet not be no dishes in that sink in the morning.
So guess what? No lie. I’m not kidding. Every time I walk in our house from work, my thoughts immediate go to the dishes. Either thoughts of ‘I need to hurry up and get settled so I can wash these dishes’ or ‘I know he saw these dishes.’ And married folks already know where I’m going with that latter thought. You already know!
I’ve said this time and time again! Here we are as humans, we’ve ALL wished for the day to be out of our parent’s house because of what? We were sick of their rules and we swore when we got out and got our own place, we could make up our own rules? But here we ALL are (most of us) (most of y’all that I’ve met) still operating off of our parent’s rules.
Now yes, I do understand that these rules can be universal. I know I’m not the only one that had to wash the dishes before bed. There was a reason for this as well. But here’s the thing. I’m grown now and I can decide to leave the dishes to wash in the morning. Yes I can. I can totally make that decision. (Sounds like I’m trying to convince myself of this.) Or they can wait for the next evening when I get home to get washed. Shat!
But what did I end up doing? Here it was a day I wanted to come home and just sit next to my husband and stare in his face. And marvel at the man that belongs to me. But instead, I walk in and those blasted dishes catch my attention first and robs me of this moment. A rare moment at that for a mother of two young kids, to just ‘be’ in the moment. To just be in love.
Well, last night, me and James attended my alma mater, Jackson State University Huntsville alumni chapter, Dan and Pokie Mose Scholarship Gala. This was the first time ever that I can recall being around James when those feelings arose. And I found myself just staring at him. But here is the other crazy thing about this, I didn’t realize I was in THAT moment until this morning when I woke up.
I woke up playing the events of last night over in my head and got stuck on the image of the side of James’ face that I just stared at. And yes, it could’ve very well been the fact that my husband was looking mighty scrumptious last night but naw that wasn’t it. It was those feelings that I’d felt before. Feelings of being the luckiest girl in the world.
So now wait, I’m thinking of those feelings from last night. The kids are still sleep. This is the perfect moment to spoon with my man. But what am I doing? Hell writing y’all about it. I’m so ass backwards.
Ok so let me cut this off. I just had to get this off my chest real quick. I’m about to stop my ‘plans’ for this morning and go back to bed and spoon with my baby. But before I go, let me leave this with you. Those expectations that you hold near and dear to your heart, all of them, every now and then let’s make an effort to make them a non factor. Make them disappear for the moment. And just BE.
Those dishes, they can wait. Those laundry baskets full of clean clothes; they can wait too. The meal that needs cooking; oh that can surely wait. Order a pizza. And just BE. Be in the moment. Be in love. Be in life.
Thanks for your attention. Remember you are your own competition.
Competitionof1
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