Wouldn’t you agree that we are nothing more than what was modeled in front of us? For the majority of us, that would be true. We are either the exact replica or total opposite. For instance, if your dad was an alcoholic that cursed like a sailor; chances are great you emulate him well. OR you have lived your life avoiding a drink and have never used a curse word because you are dead set on NOT becoming him. Ever meet someone like this; running from family cycles?
This past week, I watched a two-part sermon called “Model Homes” delivered by Bishop T.D. Jakes and his lovely wife, First Lady Serita Jakes. For this post, I’ll extrapolate on one premise of their message. And I encourage you to go back and watch it. It was an amazing message. This discussion surrounded the fact that we all had models (i.e. parents) that raised us or the lack there of. This is how Jakes put it, “When Serita and I got together; my mom and dad married her aunt and uncle.” Bottom line, those who raised us displayed a ‘model’ for us rather good or bad.
Well for many of us, instead of being complete replicas of a parent; we are a combination of our parents. Maybe 30% mom and 70% dad. Even more possible: 30% mom, 30% dad, and 40% grandfather. Or grandmother, aunt, or uncle. Just whomever was around you a lot that you picked up values, morals, habits, beliefs or whatever from.
So let me re-ask my leading question. Do you agree that the behaviors and beliefs they modeled in front of us dictated how we established our own households? Especially in the beginning! I can say that to be true for my own home. In the beginning this was definitely true. But along the way, we established our own brand…the Redmon Juniors secret sauce. LOL
So let me share what transpired with James and I. We both we were raised by both parents (mom and dad). For me, my dad was actually my step-father but my parents were married when I was 7 years old. Growing up, my biological father wasn’t present so I personally don’t see a true difference. My dad treated me no different from my sister (his biologically daughter with my mom). I’ll forever love him for that.
Well, in my household, my mom was the dominate one who made all the decisions and who was essentially in control. Everything rested on what she felt, thought, and decided. So just what do you think I married? I married a guy that had a dominate father.
So you got it. Day 1 of us moving in together after we got married…got real interesting. My mama showed up that day to meet his dad. And the showdown began. I mean all of a sudden too. It’s funny how that happens. The whole time up until the “I do,” my mom never raised her hand and said a thing. But as soon as we jumped over that broom, she got real opinionated. Don’t judge me…judge yourself because you did it too.
All of a sudden, I had to have things a certain way. If I cleaned something up, I wasn’t so forgiving anymore when he would mess something up around the house. He needed a few rules on how the ship was supposed to be ran…dammit. Put a coaster under your cup and by the way, put that cup away when you are done sir. And not on the counter, but in the actually sink. And why is this glass of ice in MY refrigerator. OH it was going down real fast! It was time for some things to change. Y’all laughing but you were doing this same thing. Think about it for a moment and prove me wrong. I’ll wait.
Recall my mom showed up rather I wanted her to or not. But don’t forget he had a dominate dad. So what do you think happened? Let the clashing beginning…
I’m going to pause this message because it will get too long so stay tuned for next week’s continuation of this Red Ink Version of our model homes as Bishop Jakes puts it. If you have time, go watch “Model Homes” on YouTube and join me back this time next week.
As a quick reminder y’all, registration is NOW open until 1 March. We changed the date because of an event next weekend (flyer below). We didn’t want to be advertising the retreat with registration closing that same day. So if you desire more info, please visit www.fightingformarriages.com
Thanks for your attention. Remember you are your own competition.
Competition of 1
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