Listen woman of God! You hold the power/the key to your home. If the atmosphere under your roof is in turmoil and toxic, it’s your own fault. Yep I said it. You my sister have the ability to set the stage for what you want your house to be. Want peace in your home. Demand it. You got that kind of power. Want love to seep out of the crevices of your walls. Show love and love will follow. You have that power. Want respect? Give it and require it in return. Yes, you have that power sistah. Want your home to be safe for you woman of God? Next time he raises his voice or his hand, go crazy and lose your mind on his behind. He and you will realize just what power you possess.

Lol. I’m for real but let me tone down this message and be honest for a moment. Want to know a secret? Like I don’t know why no one has never told you this but here is a little secret I’ve learned over the years. Your husband, ma’am, he wants you happy. Period. A good real man, not half of a man, not a man allergic to work, insecure and lives off of you and goes upside your head because he feels inadequate. I’m talking about a good man that believes in himself, knows his position as man, the one that takes ownership of his household, takes care of his kids, the one that takes stock and pride in himself…that man. When that man marries you, he wants only the best for you and he will take the stairs to the moon to make you happy. Yes he will!

I made those distinctions because there are some sorry jokers out there that some of us get attached too for the sake of having a man. But that’s not the story for the majority of you. Within the majority, we have good men that want to pamper, spoil, love on, and build a kingdom with their wives. But never get to see that kingdom foundation laid because us women folk not only have the power to steer the boat but also the power to sink it. Ever heard the saying “loose lips sink ships.” That saying is often used as an adage of expressing security risks of leaking information. But I’ll use it here to address that holy mouthpiece of yours.

You see I’ve been on the end of many conversations with women saying what kind of man they desire. All that he has to do to get and keep them. Praying for a wholesome man with a good foundation. She gets that man than all I hear about is the mundane criticisms of how the man ain’t good enough, he won’t wash the dishes, leaves his cup near the sink, he leaves the toilet seat up, gets on her nerves with the sports, heck the list can go on and on. But here is my question. How did any of that make the man un-good all of a sudden??? It’s ok to have simple gripes occasionally about your husband but how does that change your perspective on the man himself and on your marriage? Catch this…key word above is “occasional.”

I USED to complain about similar things at the beginning of my marriage. Clothes and shoes everywhere, not helping with dishes, toilet paper on top of the roll, etc. I have 8 years in now. Has he changed? Some but mostly I changed. I changed my perspective. I’m the one who cares about shoes and clothes being where shoes and clothes suppose to be, not him. So how can I make this his issue when it’s mine. I’ve learned to either ignore it or pick it up. So if I’m not willing to pick it up, then I need to act like I don’t see it. I know I know, some of us live for pettiness so you may be rolling your eyes at me but how often is your man correcting your cleanliness, your bra on the door knob, your makeup on the sink, or hair on the floor? (Disclaimer: I deal in averages. This may not be you but it’s true for the majority). Not often, right. Real talk, who is labeled the nagger? Us women. And what are we nagging about? Stuff we don’t like our husbands to do.

So if you want to steer the boat of your marriage, shut up! Tighten up those lips. Pick your battles! That’s what I’ve learned to do, not just in the workplace but at home. It’s amazing all the good techniques we learn how to deal with people at work and us successful women employ them well at work but forget all we were taught as soon as 5pm hits. A pet peeve of mines is the good behavior and respect we give to people on our jobs but how we do none of these good gestures in our own homes.

The Bible say in the A clause of Ephesians 5:22 “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands.” Key word “own.” My prior pastor, Pastor T. C. Johnson made sure to officiate over couples with that verse. But of course, it went in one ear and out the other for many of us. Meaning no man on earth should be placed at a higher esteem than your husband! No one comes before him. No pastor, no boss man, no coworker, no friend, etc. Yes work for the Kingdom of God but you don’t put more time and attention in at the church than you do at home. Trying to impress the pastor gone get you left behind silly rabbit. Yes, respect your boss but he is not the head of your house. Don’t go home repeating and laughing at boss man’s jokes everyday. You a fool! Every other man getting a smile yet you frown your face when you speak to or OF your man. No ma’am! You got it backwards!

If you are at year 10 still nagging and complaining about his shoes being on the floor, put your face to the computer/phone screen, bring it here girl. I need to knock some sense into you. YES I had to learn this hard lesson too! I stopped that negative talk a long time ago. I may have to vent occasionally but it ain’t about no petty mess. Dishes need washing, I wash them. Toilet paper on top of the roll, I put it on there correctly. Now I may huff and puff and roll my eyes but I don’t open my mouff! Shoes on my side, I move them over and go on about my business.

You see if he starts complaining about my lazy days with my head wrap, glasses on, and tshirts for a whole day, my feelings gone be hurt. So trust, you ain’t cute either honey. He has learned to look past your comfort and let you do you. And he loves you anyway. And still flirts with your bad breath behind. So look past the boy in him and let him be free. He didn’t marry you because he needed another mother. He married you because he needed a wife. Someone to love on and to take care of. He wants to hold you up on a pedestal. He wants to brag about you but all you got coming out of your mouth is negative stuff about him. So unfair! And this is exactly how the enemy binds us in our marriages. Woman as single longs to be married. Prays for the man of her dream. She gets him! The man wants to be the man and love his wife. But the enemy turns us into bitter wives so focused on toothpaste in the sink.

You see, this is how I get myself back on track. When I see his shoes where I don’t think they should be, I move them. I don’t fuss. I think about the day I will be in tears wishing the shoes were moving about. And I hush and be thankful that he is home, safe, and that he is a good man. Those little annoyances don’t define the man I married. The fact that darkness rarely greets him outside his normal schedule. The fact that his money comes to our account repeatedly. The fact that I can teach two nights a week and he never acts like he is left to “babysit” his kids. He just does what dad does. He actually takes better care of them if you ask me. Yes I’m mom and I do what I do. But as dad, he takes pride in what he does. Gets them up and fixes their breakfast, picks them up from school, gets our son to every practice and has extra practices at home.

Trust I was silly before too. But I learned that actually, when I’m classy and nice and sweet, I can get more done out of my husband and most of the time, I don’t even have to ask. And sometimes if I ask, he will ride the streets until he finds it. Other times he is just sporadic with his actions. “Here babe I saw they had your favorite chips at that store.” “The kids had their baths and are asking for you. How far out are you? I’ll let them stay up a little while longer.” “Your car is gassed up.” You see when he feels loved and appreciated, not resented, he goes out his way and takes care of the things he loves.

At first I wanted to list out things to cover with you all but then I said “nah” let the spirit lead me on what to share. So my goal is to write daily until I get it all on paper. How many parts will this be? I’m not sure. Just stay tuned. Know this. Write it down or snap a picture of this part. The enemy is after 100%. He wants all marriages to fail. I hope you know that marriages fail all the time and all don’t lead to divorces. They lead to bitterness and disrespect for one another. Leads to no communication, just business transactions (you getting the kids or me). Leads to separate bedrooms until the kids wake up.

God is moving and I’m listening. He wants to restore that thing He ordained. I’m just a vessel on a mission to save our marriages. Come with me if you will.

Thank you for your attention. Remember you are your own competition.

Competitionof1