I posted this meme a couple of days ago that got a lot of reaction but it left me with thoughts and many questions. I know this caption is true but in what sense? How deep does this play in our lives? In our marriages in particularly? Ladies/wives, this blog is for you.

Let’s pull the layers apart for a moment. Go with me. This will take you being real with me, just in your head tho. Tell the truth. Sex with your husband, before he became your husband; how good was it? Was there ever a time you despised having sex with him? Like really think about this. When you two were dating, did you ever deny him access to your body; besides the obvious times like when your period was on, you were sick, etc?

Those with kids prior to marriage, were you ever too tired for sex back then? Think about it. If the only variable that changed in your relationship is the fact that you got married; why did sex change? For instance, you had a child or multiple kids and had a full time job prior to getting the ring, so what made you more tired once married? Ladies, think hard about this. I’m trying to see something.

For me, prior to marriage, it was just me and him. And I got married at age 29, which can be another variable because energy levels may be different for a new mom in her 20s versus a new mom in her 30s or 40s even. I’m not searching for excuses as to why we, as wives, sex drive stops or we stop wanting to have sex because we are too busy now or too tired now. What I’m trying to understand is why does the change happen after marriage.

For the record, this change isn’t just happening with married women over 40. This is happening to women with a great level of stamina. We are in the best shape, many of us are, than our mothers or grandmothers were at our age. So this can’t be the excuse. Think about it. Twenty is the new forty these days.

(Picture Angela Basset a year ago. She is now 61 years old)

So what is it? This is where my thoughts took me. I’m a spiritual person that I know there is a God and there is an enemy. I know that the enemy only needs an air hole of opportunity to come in and wreck shop. So, I wonder if this is what he is doing in our marriages and we don’t even know it. Let me pose a couple of scenarios.

Scenario 1: You and bae have an argument. This can be a simple argument. You know it doesn’t take deep stuff for us to be at each other’s neck. You have this disagreement but you don’t get your point across. Ladies, we are good at holding grudges and many of us are extremely petty when we don’t get our way or if the man doesn’t understand us or agree with us. Hence, this becomes an unresolved issue.

Scenario 2: Wife, you have an extremely hard day at work. You are mentally exhausted, not physically. Whatever project you are working, you have to leave it there and pick up the kids. While driving you are even thinking about how you will finish the work project the next day. Once you are home, you may have other things to do. If you are like me (if you know me, I’ve discussed this to no end), you have dishes to wash, feed the family, maybe fold a basket of laundry, and get ready for the next day. Hence, you are tired.

With either or both of these scenarios, both can happen several times a week. After such events, your husband desires sex. How often do you deny him sex or withhold sex? Or do you deny him every time you have a day like this? If so, think back, did you deny him sex prior to marriage if you had a day like this? Or did you just give it up to him rather you felt like it or not?

Let’s stay there for a moment. Prior to marriage, if you gave it up to your boyfriend to include all of the boyfriends that didn’t make the cut, whenever they asked for it…why don’t you give it up to your husband at his every desire? Now, I’m no fool, when we were younger we sexed as much as we could. We were young and immature. But bring it forward to these older years. We are marrying at a later age these days. So let’s discuss this in terms of now.

If we are not telling the boyfriends no, how in the hell are we telling husbands no? Boyfriends didn’t make the cut for a very good reason. Let’s all agree to that. Many us are thankful they didn’t make it to the chapel. But for the one man, made just for us, why do we deny them so often?

This is where I think the enemy makes his entrance. I believe he puts thoughts in our minds and feelings of bitterness in our heart much more often now that prevents us from being the wife we portrayed as the girlfriend. He is the author of confusion. He comes to steal, kill, and destroy. And this includes our marriage. I often wonder if we know this. Do we ever think about the things going on with us and try to figure them out?

Often many of us prayed and prayed for a husband. We prayed for a good man. While dating, we cooked big meals for them. We made ourselves always available for them for dates, events, or visits. We always answered their calls or called right back. Our bodies we gave freely. So much we did for the potential of having a man.

Now that we got them…

Thanks for your attention. Remember you are your own competition.

Competitionof1