My kids are growing right before my eyes. I can’t stand it! Yet, love it at the same time.

Each year, I see more and more changes within them. Ironically, as they grow, so do I. I grow with them. There was no lesson on parenting. Therefore, I learn as I go. I research and read things about parenting from time to time. I pray about my actions and reactions often. I asks others of their experiences. And I sort of mesh all of the ideas and concepts together with my soul.

No kidding. I take this role seriously. I stand back and I look at us. I admire us. I chastise us. I look at our interactions. I try to put myself in their shoes at times to determine their possible happiness and unfortunately, I also try to understand their sadness. I rate us too. But not from my eyes but those of a child. Some days we are a 9 or 10. But others, we are as low as a 3 or 4.

You see, I want to do my best by them. Not just enough or enough to get by. I don’t want to half-ass this thing with the expectations of them just growing up and doing whatever they want to do. I want to guide them down a path. A known path with forks in the road. Paved roads. Others dirt and gravel. I want to show them how to look forward and rarely back. I want them to know the correct ways to turn and if they head down the wrong road, how to not be ashamed to recognize their mistake and to turn around, if need be, in order to get back on track.

I want to leave bread crumbs out along the way in case they get lost. All while praying that they don’t. I want to be peeping around the corner when they start to get confused or afraid. So much I want to do, but I know I have to let them grow up and experience a few bumps and bruises along the way.

But one area I refuse to let my guard down on is who I really am in their lives on a daily basis. Who I portray and what they perceive me to be. I won’t assume I’m doing everything right. Just like I can make mistakes in other aspects of my life, I know it’s possible to make them as a parent. We all know that just like there are not perfect children, neither are there perfect parents. Now with knowing that, why would I insist on making the same mistakes over and over again?

For me, I won’t. If I mess up with my kids, I try to correct my behavior and apologize if necessary. Yes, they deserve that even if they are the kids. They are still human and deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. I know my role and I know their place. Please don’t get it twisted. I am mom first and friend some other day. As the parent, I hold the power in our household. It is shared with their father. But that doesn’t mean I can’t take the time to sit down with them and explain myself.

I’d rather explain my ways and habits and decisions with my child than allow them to grow up with one made up in their head that is totally flawed. Yes, they will have some things misconstrued. They won’t understand it all. But when I notice or hear them say something that needs to be extrapolated on, I pause and have the discussions with them. I provide meanings and give examples. I will ask them questions to determine what they heard me say and what it means to them.

I break that thing down baby. No way will I allow a child to feel let out, unloved, unadmired, unworthy, or whatever. Not on my dime. And as I continue to watch them grow, I will watch me grow as well. I’ll always love them and who they’ve become. And I’ll love me and who I am becoming.

Thanks for your attention. Remember you are your own competition.

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