Ain’t no way! I refuse to believe we need money but you in your feelings about which one of us is making it! Ain’t no way we broke but you’d rather stay broke than me take a position that puts me ahead of you.

Ain’t no way! You won’t be rolling your eyes at my work banquet. Or better yet, you ain’t coming because you don’t want to be around those people. No way will I allow you to make it hard for me to go to work and complete an entire day in peace because you catching hell on your job so you give me hell about mines.

Hell naw!

Glad this isn’t my reality but I’m sure it is for someone. When I married James, we became a team! We became a unit. If he gets hit, I feel the pain. When he falls, I fall. We are one! Ain’t no way will I allow the enemy in and tear down my blessings and all my hard work. The spirit of jealousy has no place in anyones home and definitely not in mines.

The thing I love about my husband is that he just lets me be me. He doesn’t try to stifle my ideas. Now he may be hard at hearing them (lol) and I may have to repeat them but overall he is consistent with “if that’s what you want babe.” And that is that.

But with him, that’s growth. Being with me, it took him some getting used to. I’m not a person after attention but I’m a different species so the things that I do often puts me in the light. Took some getting used to but trust it’s a process for any man.

There have been times where I didn’t feel supported because of lack of feedback. But I had to realize I was attributing flawed logic. Heck feedback is something my husband has never really given. But once I made it known how I felt, he understood and has worked and continues to work on improving his communication.

Anyone that knows us. Knows where we work. Knows the positions we hold and can easily guess who makes more money between the two of us. Takes no rocket scientist to figure it out. Everyone at our job can determine from our ‘grades’ the range of our incomes.

I’m a financial manager. I manage several supervisors and under them are hundreds of employees. It’s no easy job but I absolutely love what I do. I keep a good challenge in my back pocket. That’s just who I am. My husband is a hard worker. He just has no desire to be a supervisor. That is who he is.

At the end of the day, he isn’t trying to be me and I’m not trying to outdo him. Any money being made is money in OUR pocket! When one of us eats, we both eat. I will never understand jealous within the home. Not between husband and wife.

But too often, jealousy seeps in and takes over and when that happens, no one wins. We aren’t just competing over who earns the most, we are competing over the number of degrees obtained. Competing over who knows who. Competing over who controls whom…hence who wears the pants in the house. Competing over accomplishments and accolades, social groups, and memberships.

If you find yourself not happy for your spouse and their accomplishments, chances are great you will find yourself trying to outdo them. When that starts, it will be a vicious cycle of hurt feelings and jealous revenge. Eventually resentment comes in.

My advice is to check these feelings at the door. Train yourself to listen to your spouse as they excitingly talk about their accomplishments and give positive comments rather you truly feel that way or not. Don’t give the enemy an entryway into your home. This is your way of fighting back. When you don’t allow in negative feelings, positive ones have to show up and eventually you’ll find yourself being truly happy and supportive.

Once you realize how the enemy wants to prevent your success, you’ll be less inclined to create competition with your spouse. The key is to remember, their success is your success.

Thank you for your attention. Remember you are your own competition.

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