To those with kids… Have you ever looked at them and saw yourself? I’m not talking about their physical features but characteristics. Who you are in your core, standing right in front of you staring you in the face? That kid…

That kid is you. The good is what we all talk and brag about. But there is another side of you that he/she gained as well. You can’t brag on these qualities. These are things that often cause you shame.

Inside of us, there are two people. There is a good moral being and a bad malicious one. The one you illuminate the most is the one people use to describe you. She is such a sweet lady or she is mean. He is such a nice man or he is an asshole. Contrary to popular belief, inside each of them is the total opposite.

For myself, most people would describe me as ambitious, firm, yet fun and entertaining. I’m neither nice or mean but somewhere in between. I’d describe myself as super considerate because I’m so willing to make sure others are ok. I’d inconvenience myself for others. But…

There is a bullheaded side to me that is way beyond just being stubborn. It’s to the point of ignorance how bad it can be and it’s like I can’t shake it. Literally, I get to a point of no return in my head. I will say, that as I’ve gotten older and stronger in my spiritual walk, I don’t get to this place very often but when I do, I know that I’m there and it often takes a lot of prayer to get me out of this space and back on level ground.

Last night, I noticed a side of my son that I’d seen before but never really paid attention to. In hindsight, it’s been there all alone but I hadn’t quite named it yet. Initially, we’d call it being disrespectful or just attributed it to him having his father’s attitude. Surely his mother doesn’t have an attitude. Lol

We were getting ready to go to a local high school rivalry football game; James Clemons versus Bob Jones. Both teams reside in Madison, AL a neighboring city of Huntsville, AL. We would get something to eat at the game but my son, Trey, asked for a snack before we left the house. I allowed him to get a honeybun. But once his dad saw him in the pantry, he denied the request unbeknownst to me.

Of course, Trey is walking around pouting. Trey loves honeybuns plus he was hungry because it was dinner time. After I found out what happened, when alone with his dad, I told him I gave Trey permission to get it. So, my husband took a honeybun out to Trey. And what does Trey do? Guess…

Trey tossed it on the seat. He didn’t want it anymore. And so you can guess my husbands reaction too. He was livid!!! He almost called off the trip to the ballgame but we had already purchased tickets.

As simple as that example is, as he grows up, I know from experience that these situations get more and more complex. And there are times when these actions can affect others.

I can recall being in high school, my senior year with our senior trip vastly approaching. I started working at age 15, so by then I had a little money saved up (funds held in the “bank” of my mom). I planned in my head to take $250 with me to shop for school clothes. This would be a burden off of my parents, I’d told myself.

The morning of the trip, my mom told me to be safe and handed me $40. Wait, what! I politely asked her for more explaining to her how I wanted to shop. She firmly told me that $40 was ALL I was getting and to get out of face. Of course I was on repeat, what kid wouldn’t be. She said for the last time, “Take this $40 or don’t go.” Guess which option I chose.

Needless to say, I went to school that day as if it were a normal day. Of course, now I know I’d taken that too far. I wasted money for a trip I didn’t attend. My freaking senior trip!!! But my pigheaded mind was made up. “Take it or not go???” Well I wasn’t going because what I had carefully orchestrated in my head wasn’t going to happen so I wanted none of it at all.

That’s what Trey did last night in his head and if I’m being honest, he’s taken this approach a few times before. I’m not giving him an excuse to be disrespectful. But instead, I’m giving myself tools in which to tailor my response(s) to him in situations such as this. Yes, it was just a honeybun. No harm no foul. He only hurt himself. As I mentioned, as he gets older the consequences won’t be as lite nor will they only affect him.

This is where we as parents have to be cautious. We have to carefully and delicately learn how to discipline our kids. How our parents handled us is not always the best answer. I’m totally not a time-out parent. Nor are my kids getting spankings often. I’m learning how to discuss and discipline both of them on the levels they need.

And I’m encouraging you to do the same. Don’t just resort to what we were taught. Spend time getting to know them as well as yourself. Most of us are still struggling to tame our own hang ups. So what makes us think that our “mini me” has it under control. So how can you handle YOU better?

Thanks for your attention. Remember you are your own competition.

Competitionof1