I have two strikes against me: I’m a woman and I’m black. Not looking for you to agree with me. Racism still exists. And rather you like it or not, you must pick a side. I’ve actually heard that twice in one week (last week) from different sources. Now do you really think Clinton lost the election because ‘she’ lied? Please come from under that rock. Look around sir/ma’am, the writing (or picture) is on the wall. Something everyone in politics does, yet she was ostracized for it.

I’ll never be enough. You’d never believe that the majority of my disrespect comes from women that look just like me. No matter what I do, I’ll never win the hearts of that group. They put me on their level regardless of the title or statue. I hear it in their voices. It vibrates from the nasty emails I’ve received over the years questioning my position and integrity. I’ve heard/read on several occasions how I’m such a bad leader. Even have received bad leadership memes texted to me. But here is the thing, I’m willing to bet they’ve never expressed such remarks with my male counterparts.

I’ll never be enough. Men aren’t disrespectful. They actually like me. But I know my true position with them. In the workplace, they will only flourish me with the tasks they don’t want to do while keeping the challenging ones for themselves to gain credit for. I’ve had good ideas over the years, only to be ignored but yet see them come to fruition later under his authority. I pride myself on being able to make good sound decisions; but often rarely given the chance to or better yet, go ask someone else for their blessing is what I’m often told. Good decisions just can’t come from me without being ok’d by someone else.

I’ll never be enough. A room full of us sistahs appears threatening and unproductive. Yet, pass a room full of my opposite counterpart and it’s a meeting of the minds. I always need at least one of them to validate anything I want approved. I bust my ass at work always exhausted trying to keep up with everything and making sure all suspense are met. But let me make ONE mistake, it’s not a mistake but yet a destruction to my character. The trust and vote of confidence in me is automatically lost. Well actually, it is a ding towards us all. Sorry sistahs, that one is on me.

I’ll never be enough. I have to work three times as harder to get the same thing you got with ease. “Do you think she can handle it?” has been asked about me before prior to being given a promotion. Men: have you ever asked that about another male? Now in my current position, my picture is up on the wall with other leaders and I’d think some would be proud of me. Yet the constant murmuring, “ but where is her name tag?” I hear more than a simple “congratulation.”

I’ll never be enough! When you see me and judge me, I often question. What about me makes me unreliable? Aggressive? Stupid? Unworthy? Petty? A pushover? Untrusting? Feeble? Why must I always come last? Next after him? And after him? Why am I not taken seriously? For who I am? Or why not judge me off of what Nakia does and not that one black lady you came into contact with in that line that one day several years ago that upset you? I don’t know what she did to you way back then but she isn’t me and I’m not her. I’m just me! Trying to do the best I can. Giving 120% on most days and yet it amounts to not enough.

Not even in my own home am I enough. I have two jobs! One at work and one at home. I get home and my feet never stop moving until kids are in bed and the house is settled for the evening. Doesn’t matter now-a-days if you are bringing home bacon or not. Those old duties of our foremothers still exist. We are still expected to take care of the home. No matter how tiresome your day is. No matter the amount of stress you are feeling. What’s for dinner?

Even though I know I may never be enough for the world in their eyes, I always try to remember whose eyes really matters. And even when I’m not enough to myself, I’m reminded of a God that loves me right where I am just as I am. Through Him…I’m plenty enough. I am enough regardless of how the world sees me. But my prayer is that one day, they will see me…for me.

Thank you for your attention. Remember you are you own competition.

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