Oftentimes we look back on our upbringing and compare it to our life right now and think about how far we’ve come. We think about how blessed we are. But go back there for a second, did you always know you were poor? I’m willing to bet you that it took a situation to occur (teased at school, couldn’t afford a trip, etc) before you realized you were poor. I kid you not, poor people don’t know they are poor.

For our illustration and blog expression, poor won’t mean to the depth of homelessness. Here, poor will include those that simply got by, the lower class and not what many of us refer to as the ‘middle-class.’ Living check to check to the point where you maybe missed a meal here and there. Poor in a sense of only having funds for bills and food, no extra activities such as occasional vacations, new clothes purchased sporadically, or date nights outside of the home. That level of social economics is what I’m referring to. So, I grew up poor, no shade throwing here. Going out was spending time at my grandmama house with all of my cousins. 

Therefore, the total opposite end of that spectrum is being rich. But not stupid rich for our discussion. Just enough to do the extra stuff often.  So guess what. You may not believe it. But just like poor folks don’t know they are poor. The same is true for the well-endowed. Rich people aren’t aware of their access to funds. They just have things. They can have a lot of things. They can take all of the trips, play all of the sports, see something and get it, and they won’t have to wait until Christmas to make requests for new toys or gadgets. 

With that being said, poor folks don’t know they are poor just the same as rich people don’t know there are full of money; how we viewed money growing up is often times how we view it in the present day. If we grew up with a lack mentality, chances are great we are still operating from that same space. And vice versa for the rich kid that’s now an adult. Habits are just hard to break.

Well why is this important? Sometimes these habits or mentalities follow us into our adulthood and into our own households. The old adage claims “opposites attract.” There is a chance a rich person and a poor person gets married. No? You don’t think so. So is it just me? I’m the one who grew up poor between my husband and I. Now, just so I don’t offend any family member reading this, we were poor because we didn’t have extra funds laying around. We had what we needed and that was it. Ok. And for my husband, he grew up in a big house on a hill (literally). The shit you’d see on TV. House. On. A. Hill.

We’ve been married 13 years. Wait, let me get my calculator out and double check the math before I get into trouble. (2022 minus 2009 = 13 years). And I wasn’t playing either. I’m also the one that’ll forget stuff between the two of us. Whew…the stories I could tell y’all. Umm only if I could remember them all. Eek.

Ok back to my point of this blog. It took me until this year (this year old) of our marriage before I realized I was accepting and acknowledging my blessings in many areas; but still operating out of lack in so many other areas. One huge area was with car maintenance. 

I got my first car at age 16. It was a maroon Mitsubishi Eclipse. 

Whenever I had to get it serviced, my mom made certain I knew upfront that ALL mechanics would try to take advantage of me because I was a girl. Therefore, I had to get 2 or more estimates from different shops. I had to get names and details of what was told to me and I had to compare my notes before allowing someone to perform the needed repairs. With hopes that the cheapest option was also the most trustworthy one.

Well, with anything in life; we all have blindsides. Blindsides are things that we are doing that others notice that are often unknown to us. That’s why it’s called a blindside. Others see it. However we are blind to it.

Since being married, I can count on one hand the times I’ve taken my car in to be serviced. Believe it or not, I had a LOT to say about how James handled these tasks as well. Y’all, just what do you think I required of him? Think about it. 

That’s it! I required of him those same tactics my mom required of me. “Babe, who checked out the car? And who else? No one? Why not?” And if he did get a second opinion to appease me. “What did they say? Why does it cost that much? Did you ask the other folks about that? You may want to take it to someone else cus that don’t sound right!” Sigh

Y’all. Listen! During one of our marriage counseling sessions (Yes, we have a counselor. Don’t you? Tuuu y’all wild. Even a doctor needs a doctor….more on this another time). Anywho. James mentioned to her how it made him feel when I’d be questioning him after each car episode. Basically, he said that he wished I would just trust him.

What wait!

Trust!!!! What does trust have to do with this!!?!?!? We are talking about my car still, right??? So how did my questioning him equate to trust???? Y’all. I was so confused. And of course, I got very offensive. The counselor asked why I needed to know the details and the purpose of my questioning. Y’all my head almost spunt around in a complete circle. I couldn’t believe she didn’t understand why I needed to know these things. First off honey (that’s what I wanted to say but of course didn’t), if I’m spending money, I have the right to know with whom, for what, and everything in between!!!!

But since I didn’t say all of that, after I explained how I grew up having to do those things and how I felt James rich ass (not those actual words) didn’t have to get a second opinion. He just took the car to the dealership (what dealership…we had shade tree mechanics from where I’m from) and dropped it off! So I felt that if he acted out his rich-uals that we’d get taken advantage of. So we obviously had to operate from my poor mentality when it came to this particular area. RIGHT!!! Don’t y’all agree with me???? I’m right…right!!! (Man forget y’all…inserts eye roll).

Sigh…well. I guess I had to apologize. I didn’t mean to make him feel that way. I do trust him. And if someone were to take advantage of us…I mean we can’t spot every crooked person. It wouldn’t be James’ fault. So let’s just say, I’m working on making sure he knows I trust him to make good decisions and I trust him to fix any bad ones. And I ultimately trust that he is human and allowed to make mistakes. And that I make them too. 

So y’all…this past month BOTH of our cars have been serviced on. But his truck has been in the shop for a whole month getting the transmission rebuilt. Yep…his new truck (less than 2.5 years old). Soooo from where I’m from, we would’ve been sharing my car right! Y’all this man has had a rental car the whole time!!! Someone come check on me. I’m not alright!!! Hahaha

To wrap this up y’all, the issue for me wasn’t trust per say. It was me operating with a blind spot that was caused by my upbringing. We all have blind spots and we all have negative mentalities on some things. And we all have things we’ve learned that’s ok to be unlearned. Let me say that again. If there are things from our upbringing that we’ve learned but they don’t work for us now. Unlearn them.

And remember. You are your own competition.

Competition of 1