“Because I said so,” said whose mama? Raise your hand! I’m trying to see something.

Are you saying this today? And if you are, is that your final answer? Nothing wrong with it if you do. I’m not here to tell any parent they are wrong for this. There is value in it, however I would like to explain some drawbacks of such statements.

Here is the issue or my concern with this. Let me say this, this isn’t coming from no “new age parent” thing. History should tell us all that we haven’t always done the best things. We did the best things for that timeframe. As time evolves, research is better and we have more access to knowledge and skills so things are expected to change over time. Rather good or bad; not new age.

So yes, I do explain things more to my kids than what I got growing up. Call it what you want but it works for me. And here is why. I understand now more about how the mind works and a child’s mind is so much different than that of an adult. So I know I can’t expect my child to understand from an adults perspective. They can only understand from their seat or their level.

Just the same as I can’t expect all adults to understand the same things in the same manner. It’s all due to backgrounds, environments, up-bringing, etc. For instance, one of my most famous quotes is from Bishop T. D. Jake’s from a book where he says, “Don’t waste time explaining to a turtle, a giraffe’s vision.” DONT miss that. What you SEE or understand to be true is just different from many different people.

Put that info to what you know to be true to a child’s view and it’s just different. Hence why I do take the time to explain my views or decisions to my children. This is what it does. It allows me to discredit any assumptions they may have formed in their minds.

I have two kids, a boy and a girl. My son is active in sports and my girl is active in dance and gymnastics. My husband and I have an agreement that he will taxi my son to all of his practices and I will be the taxi for our daughter. Normally we tackle doctor appointments in this manner too unless we have conflicts.

From a child’s mind, my son seeing this may mean mommy prefers his sister. He doesn’t know the agreement between his dad and I. All he knows is his dad is at ALL of his practices, takes him to the doctor, etc. With me knowing of the agreement, I’ve actually mentioned how it works to my son because I’d never want him to think I prefer his sister over him.

Riddle me this…how many people do you know or family members have ever heard scream, “mama liked them better than me anyway?” Or was this you??? Real talk. Think of when this was said and under what circumstances. Chances are good that a grown person said this and have been holding on to that assumption for YEARS!

Tell the truth and shame the devil. We know people who feel this way about their parents. And the sad thing is, their parents never felt that way and maybe doesn’t even know the child feels that way. The child may never tell them and often, the time will get behind them and the assumption will never get cleared up. Here we are with a parent that has gone on to glory living yet their child remains behind with a flawed perception of that person.

If truth be told, mama was trying to look after you when they told you not to go over to your uncle’s house. Daddy was looking out for you when he didn’t allow you to come to his job. They didn’t allow you to play a certain sport for a reason. To come home at certain time. Wouldn’t let you spend the night over folks houses. Sickness always gets everyone’s attention; that didn’t mean they loved you less.

It was sooo much more than “Because I said so.” Something was behind it. You just never knew. Hence you were left to make up the reason in your own head. From a child’s perspective. From a perspective with limited LIFE experience. And it stuck with you for life.

This is why I take the time to explain our actions, our decisions, and especially the why behind the ‘no.’ It does us well that each child knows or has the correct info and not one made up or given to them by their peers.

Consider that your child has a mind of their own. Know that it doesn’t operate like yours. If you see their wheels turning, take time to understand their thoughts and patterns of their beliefs. This can create a loving environment between you and your kids for years to come. And I’m sure they will appreciate it.

Why?

Because I said so! 😊

Thanks for your attention. Remember you are your own competition.

Competitionof1