Adaptability definition: the quality of being able to adjust to new conditions. There are some places where this quality is nurtured and maybe even encouraged. For instance, being able to adjust quickly in a fast paced ever-changing workplace, is ideal for the employees wanting to make it to the top of their organizational food chain or even for some to keep their jobs. It’s a must that they adapt to the changing policies, increase demands, new environment, etc.

On the field or court, athletics must adapt to the new plays and players. Each team they face is different and they change/improve from game to game and from year to year. So to be competitive, one must constantly train to keep up with their opponents. Adapting to the evolution of the game is required for the players to remain valuable to the team.

Sad to say, but for someone in captivity (rather voluntarily through imprisonment for crimes committed or involuntary through a kidnapping/trafficking), the captive after long-suffering comes to a juncture in their minds that its better to go along with or obey instead of risking their lives. It’s best to follow the rules of those that are inflicting the pain in order to limit the pain. Their survival is dependent upon their ability to adapt.

Adaptability.

Well, one place this quality doesn’t fare well within, is in our homes. You see, a husband laying hands on his wife is not the time for her to adapt. A wife yelling and screaming every chance she gets is not the time to learn the skill of being adaptable. Kids being subject to emotional, physical, or sexual abuse is NOT the damn time either! All of which happens far too often! Just pissed myself off typing that.

Such situations are extreme so you may not be able to relate but there are other subtle instances that do the same amount of damage if not checked in time.

If you (the reader) had a chance to listen to my Marriage Investment presentation ( https://youtu.be/UzqeIv-eZag), I shared how my husband and along with yours as most men do this, have cave experiences while us women folk host talk shows as our primary self-expression of our feelings. Well at the beginning of my marriage, when he took refuge in his cave, I often read the situation wrong. I would attribute fault to myself and I would try to lure him out all the wrong ways and essentially would make the situation worse.

But then I matured in a way and therefore stopped stressing over those cave moments. I would watch him go in. Stay as long as he wanted to stay which meant no one was talking to no one. And then when he got ready to exit, I’d high five him on the way out and we’d go one like nothing ever happened.

But here lately, when he would go to the cave, I’d go in with him and take a seat. And when he left, I’d leave with him. I was adapting.

Adaptability.

But this last time, ironically I stayed in. This was the longest time I’d been in that cave. With no shackles attached, I couldn’t quite escape. James had long exited the building but I remained there full aware of my location. James was being his ole silly self, pinching, hugging, and joking. Instead of playing along, my face would frown slightly and I’d push him away all while knowing that this wasn’t right.

But I couldn’t loose the feeling of this cave around me. Eventually I knew what I had to do, I had to pray. I pray often but I had to pray about THIS thing. After a day or two, I involved James and asked him to pray as well. He realized our situation as well and wanted his wife on the other side of that cave.

Being adaptable can be a great quality. But it has its place. It’s place is not in our homes. When/if we adapt to the day to day issues in our homes, we can become prisoners in it if we are not careful. Do you realize that family hurt is the worse kind of hurt? No one hurts us like family! And guess what, we don’t hate or hold grudges towards others like we do our family either. We make the effort to show kindness to strangers yet walk into our homes and ignore our family, the ones we say we love.

We have to do better. We must do better. I must do better. Discerning the best time to adapt is important. It does have its benefits and it’s place. Just not in our homes.

Thank you for your attention. Remember you are your own competition.

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